Q: What’s the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?
A: The refrigerator doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.
niiiiice….
(This appeared on popbitch recently, but is as old as the hills so was worth an airing)
Dont call your bear Mohammed…
After all this mayhem in Sudan about calling a teddy bear ‘Mohammed’, Sooty has decided to cancel his tour of Jamaica
Man goes missing for 5 years!!!
John Darwin has walked into a police station after being missing, presumed dead for five years.
He says that’s the last time he goes on holiday with the McCanns!
Filed under death, Madeleine, Missing kids
Lewis Hamilton and The England Football Team
Whats the difference between Lewis Hamilton and the England Football Team?
England won’t have a McClaren in the morning…
Taken from here
Filed under boredom, celebrities, sport
Iran or The Empire…?
You have got to give it to the British Army… sometimes they are quite witty… if not slightly uncouth.
Filed under political
Heather Mills
After her recent ranting appearance on GMTV in the UK, a professional psychiatrist has said that the former Beatles wife is clearly unstable.
Paul McCartney has stated that a few beer matt’s under one leg usually does the trick.
Filed under celebrities, women
statues…
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll **** on its head.”
Thanks be to those I stole this from.
Mourinho
Jose Mourinho has asked to go back to Portugal never to be heard of again….
The McCann’s have offered to help.
Filed under celebrities, death, kids, Madeleine, Missing kids, sport
Worst computer game ever
I bought the worst computer game ever the other day… Colin McRae’s Helicopter simulator…..
It keeps Crashing…
Sorry Colin!
Filed under celebrities, death, Sick, sport
Victoria Beckham
Not a joke this one… just me being childish.
“I have been busy having a good look around Los Angeles, checking out the restaurants and the beauty parlors – you never know when you might need a facial!”
Apparently Victoria Beckham wants a Facial…. David better get busy!
The big O!
How do you make your wife scream an hour after sex?
Wipe your nob on the curtains
Nuns (an olden)
Two nuns driving along the road, and all of a sudden Dracula lands on the bonnet of their car.
One turns to the other and says… “Quick, show him your cross!!!”
The second nun leans out of the car and shouts…
“Oi fuck off!”
Womens rights…
What’s the best thing about Women’s Liberation?
It gives you girls something to do in your spare time!
Filed under sexism
New Renault
Renault have just announced a new family car with boot space large enough to fit a small child…. introducing….
The Renault McCann!
do ya like dags?
What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a playground…
Sarah Silverman Mocks Britney Spears
Tasteless fave and Pinup (ish) Sarah Silverman rips it out of Britney Spears and some others at the Mtv Video Music Awards (VMA)
Check the shizzle out….
Edit…. Youtube video is much better… so click it again… bitches.
Big words!
A guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend on their bed, crying.
He asks his girlfriend “what’s wrong?”
She looks at him and says in disgust, “I know the truth about you…” she sobs and continues, “I know
you’re a PEDOPHILE!” The man walks up to her and hugs her, then he says..
“Honey, I’m so proud of you ‘pedophile’ is such a big word for a 10 year old.”
